Signs Your Spouse Is Sleeping With Santa

Okay, ladies, here’s your turn. Listen up...

10. Anne of Avonlea/Anne of Green Gables Collectors Edition with 74 minutes
of extra footage

9. Any knick-knack

8. Tickets to the ballet

7. *Another* new tie

6. A Bath and Body Works Soap Basket

10. "Remember me? I’m the kid with the weak bladder"

9. "You smell like supermarket gin"

8. "The real miracle on 34th Street would be if they accepted my mom’s MasterCard"

7. "I want a 2004 Pontiac Aztec"

6. "Oh, by the way, if I don’t get an X-Box, I’m gonna hunt you down, old man"

Apparently he’s a saint… And we’re definitely not saying she might be cheating on you… But hey - why just not doublecheck on your wife? Here’s a helpful list of symptoms:

* Instead of cookies and milk, she leaves out a fifth of Scotch and edible panties.

* Comes home with tinsel stuck between her teeth and Claus marks on her back.

* Of the 200 presents for her under the tree, you bought three of them.

* Never very adventuresome in bed, she suddenly asks if you want to do it "reindeer style."

* Her picture is prominently featured on santasbitches.com.

* Every day after work, elves block you in traffic to keep you from getting home too early.

* She’s shaved her pubic hair into the shape of a little chimney.

* Tells you that you would look a lot sexier if you grew a beard and added 150 pounds.

* Every December 24th it’s the same routine: She puts on a teddy and sits on the roof.

* Her ears perk up every time she hears "Ho Ho Ho!"

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